I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
