"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
