I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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