my phone needs a breathalizer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
birth control should be required to get into college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
