Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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