you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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