I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
