Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
