Sponge bath it is.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
