I wish I could teleport
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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