a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
