last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
