My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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