dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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