Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
