Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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