i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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