imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize