I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
