so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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