i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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