shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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