you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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