i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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