If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
