I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
