Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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