Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
