If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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