MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No subtext here. People are naked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
