Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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