Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
