Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
