Your tits are I can't wait for
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
