ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
