Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
