he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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