Im at strip club and am horny
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
