I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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