He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
