I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
