I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
