just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He shit in the fireplace
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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