hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
