We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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