Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
