So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
