If i come over, it means nothing
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
