i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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