Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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