Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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