my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
