Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
