Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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