I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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