i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
