you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
