I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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