i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
