I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
