Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
