god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Houston, we have a blender
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
