I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
