I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
