i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
