Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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