there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize