I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
