is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
