I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
