trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i love accidental penises.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize