the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
