so explain again why im purple
no
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize