Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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