go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
