we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
