I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
