and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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