at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
