i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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