Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
