I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
