Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
