Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
