he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
