O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize