So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize