He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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