Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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