your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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