You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You work out of a Hotel?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
