don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
