is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
