Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
