and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
