North Korea, Best Korea!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize