omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
