So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
