I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
