Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
