You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize